[Whereby an extract from the diaries of what appears to be the World’s Dumbest Cat, is discovered, and shown to reveal hitherto un-plumbed depths of thought…]
Things that make you go “Hmm”
What are the humans doing with the poop they collect from my toilet each day?! Cats would never go around stealing poop from other creatures. That’s gross! Humans are weird.
Why are my humans always telling me to stop ripping up the carpet? Don’t they realize that I am doing them a favor? The carpet is hideous and sharpening my claws is important! Priorities, people!!
What are the humans doing staring at those rectangular screens all day? Some of them can sit for hours doing this! Why am I called “lazy” for enjoying my well-earned rest and refusing to run around like a crazy thing, and they are “working”? Work? What work? Do they not realize how much work it is for me to constantly remind them to feed me every day?! Humans are weird.
Was the squirrel really there at all if I doze off while watching him…?
Why is it OK for the humans to murder their flowers by chopping off their heads and displaying them in jars, but it is not OK to gently nibble on said flowers..?
Why is it so funny when I lie on my back but when the humans do it, it is somehow more important? If they will insist on tickling my belly, they should expect the same in return!
Speaking of funny, why is it hilarious when I’m practicing my yoga on the chair arm? I have to be in close proximity to the humans just in case my food bowl is empty – one has to be vigilant!
Why are the animals outside always running around and climbing trees? Can’t they find a human to feed them? Losers!
If a human’s hands are empty and idle, why are they not petting me?? Is it any wonder I have to nip them occasionally!
What is the deal with the humans and water? What is the point in getting wet just to get dry again. Obviously cats are more highly evolved as we need only the tender licks of our tongues to be divinely pristine.
Humans are weird.
